437 Days. I am Stupid.

This is the third part of my 437 days story.

From the last episode, i've wrote about how happy i am to be with him during that short period of time. during October there's sumthing happened. U said that u want to reconcile back with ur ex gf .. i know about that accidently ..or else i will never know about it at all and will just keep pin a hope on u .. I remembered when i promise to u that i will change and i want to try my best to be with u .. u said, ' ok..n i akan cuba sygkn u mcm i pernah sygkn dia dulu..'

N u r not success .. n me too failed to changed for u..because this is who i am.. as i made a decision to just away from u after my final exam end.. u said, 'No..don't do dat..if i were u i akan berusaha untuk bersama dgn org yg i suka selagi die belum sah jadi milik sesiapa..' things are easier said than done, ey ? I just try to forget everything n concentrate on my final exam .. u said that u want to settle all the things with ur ex gf after her final exam done so i have to wait until that too.. am i stupid ? the answer is a big YES. saya sgt bodoh sebab sayangkan seseorang yang tak pernah nampak apa yg saya korbankan untuk die. ape yang saya sanggup buat hanya untuk die. Im a stupid girl. really. thats what i kept saying to him when we'r still together.

6 Nov 2010. its the date that i don't want to remember but i can't forget. Sweet memories but hurt to think about .. .

15 Nov 2010. your birthday. my wish is late. but i do call and sing a birthday song to you. =)

U said that weekend u wanna come to KL. u have to meet someone . n i said that i wana give ur birthday present.. u have to meet me even just for a second. n u said, InsyaAllah.. u can't promise..

Im not feel ease about this. I ask u again about who are you going to meet this weekend. n u do admit that u gonna meet her. HER. n u ask me. am i sad.. oh how am i supposed to answer that. what can i say? I just reply.. OK... but i really2 want to meet u n give ur birthday present. please.

20 Nov 2010. I've already pack ur birthday present nicely. i want u to accept it from my hand with the smile on your face. i just want to see u. evento if u will just throw away my present in front of her, i don't care. i just want to see ur face. ur eyes, ur eyesbrow, ur cheek, ur hair. Am i stupid? the answer is again.. a big YES. i am .. i know..

Im already at KL at that time with my sister. n i asked u to text me when everything is done..

you : Awin, sorry i can't meet u. mcm x sempat.

me: eh why? where are you now?

you: x sempat awin. im now on my way to pwtc.

me: oh..its ok. im headin to pwtc ok? u wait for me there. i just want to give this then i balik la ok..?

you: i x boleh jumpe u awin. die .. x bagi .

me: huh? y? knape plak? u dah couple dgn die?

you: yup awin. bru tadi. die accept i semula. i dah couple dgn die. sory i x boleh jumpe u dah.

me: ......

i don't want to remember any other text after that because its just a curse and makian yg tak sepatutnya i keluarkan. im sorry for that. im just not me at that time. im almost fall masa nk naik tren kat masjid jamek. luckily ade org tolong pegangkn. im just walking n walking heading straight to upm with a tears on my face. n then i realised that im stuck at ktm station's bandar tasik selatan. i just sat there n cried. i dunno where else to go n what else to do. the feeling at that time i should say that.. i dun feel my ground anymore .. im just everywhere .. crying for a things that i know will happen a long time ago ....

Thanks to both of u for making me realise how stupid i am. No its not your fault..not her fault either.. its just me who just born to be stupid to know that u will never love me.